raindrops..

all of the time was over..
now only the time for praying..
what can i do more and say..
everything has been go through..
all the most thorn and broken road..
i drive it with full of bleeding..
raindrops keep falling down..
it can be change to the flood..
wipe away all the natures..
but this raindrops also can be turned..
to the hopes of natures to live again..
after the strong summer day..
the life just like a raindrops..
i look up to the sky..
see the clouds..
hopes that everything gonna be alright ..
even the raindrops fallin' down on my head..
although i know that destiny of mine hold into you..
and i only can hope and pray for the next life..

the last hopes~~

for the last hopes that i cry..

for the last end of suffering...

for the last of hardest time..

for the last of drowning...

for the last not living in the dark..

for the last of my sacrifice....

but really hopes that god heard my pray..

and help me for the last..

begging you please do so..my destiny into you...

i'm nobody anymore...

just nothing to the zero...

priceless of saying anything..

light please go on again...

sickness,hyper sadness and sorrow,

nobody cares and knows...

can't reveal the truth coz it hurts ..

alone and cold...

death in the silence of sorrowness...

kill  the soul...

blowing it away by air....

really alone...need u stand by me...

for the last hopes that no more tears falling down..

praying...begging...please....help....

Tears run dry..

The tears was run  dry..

only heart still beating..

and breathing..

but the soul was empty..

everything has been taken..

only me is here ..

but my mind still blur

it just like saying bye bye to me..

the mountain that try to climb..

still far far away ..

i'm falling down many times..

countless and hurts..

like a bird no wing to fly..

and the strips of kite was cutting down..

just  afraid to fall and gone...

the circle of life also change like weather..

snowy,stormy and rainy ...

the future please don't leave me ..

alone and  cold in the dark...

but give me the second chance...

how long could i stand and be apart..

even it hurt the most..

still up sad me and walk away..

never know where ..

hard to smile and pretend..

i know i can do it over again..

just too close..

although it hurt me the most..

i'm trying to do my second chance in life..

hope my destiny and my pray will listen..

and rescue by God..

coz my tears was run dry ..

and this how my heart cry..

incurable bleedi'n..

the bleeding just too deep..

incurable and do not have the medicine..

just waiting time of dying...

alone and cold hearted..

the smile has been taken away from me..

the heartbeat also was stop beating..

like in the middle of desert no way to go..

lost and hopeless..

the day that i go through just meaningless..

no more sunny day  but only the rainy day..

it is so hard to say by words..

speechless till i do not know..what will happen on next day..

all my dreaming broken into pieces of glass..

why is it so difficult for me..

i'm nothing unlike others who up to the sky ..

but me who still at the bottom who cannot fly coz of losing  the wing..

only can see them at the sky with the drying tears..

this is the bleeding in my heart that incurable and make me stop beating..

my life just full of sorrows and darkness...

Ya ALLAH AMPUNKAN HAMBAMU INI SESUNNGUHNYA AKU TIDAK MAMPU UTK MENEMPUHI DUGAAN MU KALI INI DAN TERLALU SUKAR UTK KU TERIMA KENYATAAN HIDUPKU INI...

tamparan hebat....dan terlalu sedih..

that should be me feel the success..

that should be  me had a smile..

but it turns otherwise..

all are sadness and the tears..

until i felt of despair n sorrows..

i cannot take it anymore ..

make me speechless n heartbroken..

too hurts and deep..

all has been destroyed..

my dreams n life..

all are turns darkness..

cloudy days only i can see the day of my life..

everything was gone n useless..

even all the sacrifice also worthless..

why my road of destiny too hard..

i never ask for more ..

but only the taste of being pass..

i/m only the normal person.

as to be graduating student just want it to be smooth..

and then all the plan can be done..

rightnow everything is hopeless ..

too sad for me..

i just can't take this burden anymore...

this is heavy for me to carry on..

how about my parent...what i'm gonna to tell them..

don;t want hurting them too..

for the last sem this is the most tamparan hebat for me..

all my happiness was gone and no smile of my face..

only the sadness and the tears..

pada saat saya terima berita kegagalan di saat genting penentuan hidup..

saya tak dpt terima kenyataan ini..

setelah bermatian usaha..

dan ini ujiaan yg saya tak dpt hadapi..

kerana terlalu berat bg saya utk terima..

akibat tamparan hebat saya terus demam terkejut selama beberapa hari..

YA ALLAH MAAFKAN HAMBAMU INI DAN MAMA SAYA JUGA MINTAK MAAF KERANA HAMPAKANMU......

ketika maut menghampiri diri..~~

ketika dirasakan maut menghampiri diri ini..

barulah sedar bahawa amalan tak pnah cukup

dan tak bersedia untuk mati..

selama ini jarang munasabah diri ttg kematian..

akan dtg menjemput pada bila2 masa ..

itulah ketentuan tuhan..

dosa yg menggunung tinggi bagaikan bukit..

tidak lagi dihapuskan dengan amalan ..

sekiranya terus hanyut sudah pasti tiada lagi peluang kedua

hanyalah azab yg diterima...

sebernarnya kita takut akan kematian..

dan sentiasa merasakan diri ini blum bersedia..

cerita sebernya yg saya cuba smpaikan ialah :-

pada 21 april 2011 =saya on the way balik umah di kedah disebabkan dah tamat blajar

                                 pada awalnya semuanya ok dan saya tlh pun membuat service keta

dan saya pulak drive sorang2 dari uia ke kedah sebab dah biasa n kena hantaq brg yg byk ..

tetiba masa dkt highway ipoh gear keta tetiba rosak terus loose tak function langsung...

saya dah takut sgt coz sepanjang perjalanan hujan lebat dgn banyak accident berlaku

plus jln plak berbukit...ya Allah saya hanya tawakal kepada ALLah sekiranya ajal ku di sini

saya btol2 kontrol keta just pakai brek n bawak slow2 tekan minyak..

time tu hanya tuhan saja yg tahu perasaan saya camna..begetar dan bertawakal..

agar diselamatkan perjalanan...

saya tetap teruskan perjalanan walau dlm keadaan yg terlalu bahaya ini..

saya hanya mintak saya sempat selamat sampai di penang kerana ada kg di sana..

akhirnya saya sempat smpai di penang dan mmg keta dah tak blh teruskan perjalanan

jika tidak saya sudah tiada lagi..dan maafkan saya atas segalanya..

saya terpaksa tersangkut di penang sebelum sampai umah 22 april 2011 utk pebaiki keta..

apabila dah selamat smapi saya bersyukur pada tuhan kerana memberi peluang hidup

padaMu aku berserah dan kaulah yg mengetahui segalanya..

dan aku sedar tetang kematian..

pabila ajal menghampiri diri ini..

hiking..mmg best :)

 

tanggalnya 17 april 2011...detik sejarah saya hiking n mmg best...

sekarang ni dah jd hobi baru mmg addicted...

walaupun sgt challenging utk sampai ke puncak

tapi puas n hilang stress ...

skrg ni saya dah ada kwn baru chinese ajak join group hiking

bln 5 ni nak tawan gunung tok wan yg 4.8 km

lps tu chilling falls kat kuala kubu 6 sg kena rentas

walaupun pnt tapi keseronokan mmg tak dpt digambarkan..

new hobby  for new life..