not easy to forgive n forget...

orang slalu berkata past is past..

forgive n forget..

let it go...

tetapi yang sebernanya ia sgt susah..

walaupun mulut mengatakan maaf tapi hati berkata tidak..

di fikiran tak dpt dipadam..

even percaya setiap apa yg berlaku pasti ada hikmah..

kadang2 masi lgi rasa ragu ...

kerana terlalu pahit utk ditelan..

dan terlalu banyak disakiti dan ditikam serta dipijak..

sehinggakan airmata tak dpt dibendung lagi..

merasakan diri ini terlalu lemah...

dimana hilangnya sifat kemanusiaan sehingga diperlakukan..

tiada tempat utk mengadu dan disokong..

sehingga membuatkan hatiku sekarang juga menjadi kejam..

hanya ingin membalas dendam utk setiap kesengsaraan..

dan tanpa disedari telah bersumpah akan balas setiap yg dilakukan..

berpegang pada konsep eye with eye and tooth with tooth..

maafkan no more words of sorry from me..

sebab kehidupan yg dilalui penuh dgn duri yg tajam..

ditusuk begitu tajam bagaikan tidak bernyawa..

sekarang harus bertindak kerana kehidupan membuatkan aku menjadi begitu sekarang..

tetapi if i'm really in the wrong path advice me but if i'm doing in the right path support me..

actually aku kini sedar dalam dunia sebenar tiada pun istilah of justice ..

just a lying statement..

what is the real...

to live is kill among urself...

but sometimes i hope somebody out there please be nice to me..

i'm the victim of penindasan...

thats why i said forgive n forget is not easy..

diantara dua..mana patut pilih..^^^

sejak akhir2 ni saya semaakin rungsing..
patut ke tak patut saya nak tukar firm..
hati pun dah jadi dua...
berat plak nak tinggalkan firm yg sekarang coz dah selesa dgn kakak kerani yg best kat c2 n chambie mate..
diorg banyak sgt bantu n rasa mcm dah family...
tempat pun tak jauh ngan rumah..
cuma kat c2 bermasalah ngan master jer mmg tak leh ngam mcm api bertemu dgn api..
firm yg satu lg pun dah bg jawapan n better offer n saya dpt buat benda yg saya minat-full litigation
camna ni sampai sekarang pikir pening pala dah tak tahu nak decide..
chambie mate plak hari2 dok pujuk n merajuk tak kasi kuar..
sampai dia sanggup stay tunggu saya balik n tlg saya buat kerja yg berlambak n balik lambat..
mmg byk sgtt yg dia tlg tapi saya kena pikir diantara mengejar cita2 dan persahabatan mana penting..
saya mmg sgt rungsing n pening utk buat decision camna ea.../??
diantara dua mana yg patut saya pilih...???

dalam dilema..apa yg perlu dibuat?

sekarang dah masuk 2 bulan saya chambering,

tempat kerja n staf kat c2 semua ok cuma masalh..

sekarang ngan master saya pun tak tahu pa hal dia suka gadoh ngan saya,

hari2 ada jer benda yg tak kena...

saya tahu dia master kena respect tapi bukan semua benda..

mcm lembu kena cucuk hdung,

saya cuma berterus terang bila saya rasa betul tu jer..

saya taknak jadik lemah lagi dan tak nak kena pijak lagi..

macam dulu masa praktikal..

saya sgt trauma dengan sejarah hitam dulu..

dan saya menjadi protective tu jer tapi keja saya settle jer takder prob..

master mmg sangat berlagak overshadow boss..

padahal partner jer yg share dia just ckit kot tapi bberlagak siottt..

tak phm bttol apa masalah dia sebernarnya..

nak apa dari saya ?

dia sgt takbur bila berada di atas n tuhan itu maha adil ..

tak selamanya seseorang itu akan diatas dan pasti ada hari kejatuhannya..

doa orang yg teranaiya di makbulkan tuhan..

even time posa pun mulut mmg sial jer mcm tak posa  n carik pasal..

pening btol n kadang2 rasa mcm tak thn jer..

nasib la tahap sabar tinggi gak..

tapi akan terhakis gak sabar tu lama-lama..

tak tahu la sampai bila bertahan ..

kalo saya dah sembur tu nanti jgn kata saya jahat lak tapi paham seniri la...

adakah saya patot bertahan jer ataupun belah jer dari firm tu?

saya sgt dlm dilemma?

mcmna nak buat ni pening palo eden nih..

satu-satu masalah yg timbul napa la takleh nak smooth..

tolong la permudahkan segala urusan hdupku ni sesungguhnya aku adalah insan yg lemah..

kehidupan baru..

semenjak chambering kehidupan segalanya berubah..

berubah utuk dunia baru dan menerima kehidupan baru..

saya seronok berada di tempat chambering dan bersyukur

kerana persekitaran dan tempat kerja yg best..

walaupun kerja yg tak putus balik sampai lewat malam 

makin ditarah file makin meniggi kerjanya..

itulah bukit yg tak pnah rata...

setiap hari rutin saya awal 5 pg dah bersiap utk ke tempat kerja..

pastu stay back sampai ke malam tapi ok sebab tak stress kerja..

bila balik kerja ja terus jd cicak man..ngee

tambahan plak sekarang dah sewa umah seniri lagi la kena pandai uruskan semua seniri..

takpa sebab sekarang saya sedang blajar berdikari..

tak kisah umah bujang yg takdak apa2 n untuk bermula dari zero..

sebab kejayaan tak dtg bergolek..

hari sabtu n ahad plak cari rezeki lebih..

bukak kelas tusyen n kelas bahasa arab..

terpaksa la korbankan rehat..

sebab nak survive hdup n lagipun kena simpan duit utk dslp..

bagi saya tak kisah utk hdup susah dulu lagipun saya dah biasa hdup susah..

yg penting usaha kuat utk mencari yg lebih..dan tak ngaku kalah..

hdup saya skrg ngajar saya hdup lebih tabah n kuat..

kepada ibu bapa saya tlglah bg saya sokongan moral..

itu saja yg saya mahu skrg ni..

walaupun inilah rutin hdup saya tiap2 hari tiada masa utk diri seniri..

tapi saya tetap akan kuat beusaha dan harungi segala kesusahan ini..

untuk satu cita2 saya yg pasti..iaitu saya nak jd lawyer yg berjaya n ada firm seniri..

trust , believe ,& understand me..

this time i just need u..

trust me and believe me..

understand me too...

only these that i ask for..

not other things...

but why both of u always against me..

is it i'm really wrong 4 every movement or the path that i take..

why never support me..

i'm only have  both of u..

why only look to the other person rather than me..

i'm the only one as ur child no one else...

i just want u to pray 4 my safety n my successful..

thats all i need..

even ur love was given to other but not me..

i'm trying so much to be independant...

even this time is the most difficult 4 me...

i really facing it..

really hard 4 me ..

i dont know what to do anymore..

i just need to move and move on until don't know when the end..

suffering and misery just too much till indescribably..

mom n dad please trust me n believe me n understand me..

i'm really begging of u but i never forget to pray 4 u...

even how hard my life right now n routine..

(chambering + part time jobs + dslp )  = (~ _ ~)

don't push me but support me..

please do so...

hardest moment.~~

the beginning of  real life..

just started 4 e grab of star n dreams..

to be true it is not only the matters of time..

but how u will survive n face all the challenges..

only u nobody else...

either u gonna to drown or swim against it..

everything depends on u...

work hard doesn't enough but patience n pray 2gether..

make u more strong heart n tough character...

the starting of life seems hardest right now..

but hopes this moment does not drag long time..

willing to sacrifice n be in the difficult time of life..

i believe of myself that i can face it n not give up..

passion,determination n strong....

make u days by days more immune of the real life in this world..

even u feel so lonely in this world ...

never forget everything is in the hand of God...

stage by stage i go through the challenges...

at the end there are hope as long believe of God,sincerity, n never regret of what i'm choose..

hardest moment can be wipe away ...n the shining star will waiting 4 u..

doushite..???

Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to, omotteta no ni
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi

Doushite kimi ni nani mo tsutaerarenakattan darou?
Mainichi maiban tsunotteku omoi
Afuredasu kotoba, wakatteta no ni (mou todokanai)

Hajimete deatta, sono hi kara
Kimi wo shitteita ki ga shitan da
Amari ni shizen ni tokende shimatta futari

Doko e iku no ni mo issho de
Kimi ga iru koto ga touzen de
Bokura wa futari otona ni natte kita
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michiDoushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to, omotteta no ni (mou kanawanai)

Tokubetsu na imi wo motsu kyou wo
Shiawase kao de tatsu kyou wo
Kirei na sugata de kami sama ni chikatteru, kimi wo

Boku ja nai hito no tonari de
Shukufuku sareteru sugata wo
Boku wa dou yatte miokureba ii no darou?

Mou doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Ano koro mo, bokura no koto, mou moderenai (kangaeta) modorenai (kangaeta)

Doushite kimi no te wo tsukami ubaenakattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto
Boku no yoko ni, iru hazu datta (sono mama nii)

Sore demo kimi ga boku no soba nara to itte mo
Eien ni kimi ga shiawase de iru koto
Tada negatteru
Tatoe sore ga donna ni sabishikutemo (setsunakutemo)

candle in the wind..

have lost ..

really need to go..

like candle in the wind..

the light of candle not stand..

it's let me down..

u never know...

i'm going  i'm going..

never ever love again..

not wait 4 yesterday ..

never ever see the past..

the darkness not being scared anymore..

coz when i believe of myself...

i'll be struggling hard to gain back what i want..

i don't care of restless or hardship in life..

only me can light again the candle..

only me can choose the path...

even the path may be wrong...

but i will settle down the issues...

not drive myself insane...

and you just need to wait & see..

it's not take any longer...

b'coz i can let u go..

pushing away...

although i'm still hurt...

i hope the pain ..

just like candle in the wind...

rescue..~~

i can't get up there..

no one coming to the rescue...

save me save me..

even i'm crying or drowning..

but no one coming to the rescue..

i'm just dying alone ...

let the sea take me away..

never against the wave...

fallin' deep into the bottom ..

till i just close my eyes ..

can't see the blue sky..

bringing me down..

coz it is over..

and the forgiveness seems wrong..

so better me off alone..

no rescue or save me..

the journey also the end 4 me..

life game is over ~~

thank you God...but..??.

ya ALLAH i'm thankful 4 YOU..

HEAR MY PRAY N BLESS ME..

syukur n alhamdulilah 4 given me the chance..

my sacrifice has been paid..

but i'm apology if i'm being greedy..

n not appreciate for what i have..

i know everything belong to u...

i can lost it when u say so..

but believe me i never betray u...

thank you 4 giving me back the smile even just a moment..

but right now , at this time i just feel to much sad..

speechless to say it coz it hurts me to much...

only the tears could be fallin down...

shall i just leave ...

the misery too pain..

am i wrong 4 chasing my dreams..

i know that i'm just a shadow ...

when the  night come i'm gone..

everyday i never forget to pray 4 them ...

i'm not perfect but please understood me..

mercy even i'm nothing..

let me see the blue sky n grab the star..

give me a little time to prove it...

so i'm not falling slowly  as a sinking boat..

make it to the end..

before go..

used the way to be..

never try to push it away..

even realize it was too late..

i'm sorry it could be like this..

it seems over..

make it to  the end..

standing in the middle of broken heart..

see the hurting part..

and make it to the end..

seorang insan...: low blood pressure...

seorang insan...: low blood pressure...: "lately never feel better.. everything not well.. mind ,body n soul... feel cold n dizzy.. around me spinning.. does it happen because .. too..."

low blood pressure...

lately never feel better..

everything not well..

mind ,body n soul...

feel cold n dizzy..

around me spinning..

does it happen because ..

too much that  drive through..

all the thorn n difficulty alone..

tired of all those thing..

not strong anymore to face it ..

the life just so hard for me..

 becoming weak n weaker all the day..

this happen 4 me not only right now but long time ago..

coz  thought that only migrain it just going worst..

untill faint n then has discovered that  had it..

just need to be careful more next time..

if too much streesful in my life it could be disaster..

trying to stop thinking n begin with breathing fresh air..

but can't coz a lot of thing make me wories day by day..

what should  i do...

coz don't have anybody by my side..

rightnow only me can force of my life..

hope everything going well soon...

my life,my destiny n my fate...

raindrops..

all of the time was over..
now only the time for praying..
what can i do more and say..
everything has been go through..
all the most thorn and broken road..
i drive it with full of bleeding..
raindrops keep falling down..
it can be change to the flood..
wipe away all the natures..
but this raindrops also can be turned..
to the hopes of natures to live again..
after the strong summer day..
the life just like a raindrops..
i look up to the sky..
see the clouds..
hopes that everything gonna be alright ..
even the raindrops fallin' down on my head..
although i know that destiny of mine hold into you..
and i only can hope and pray for the next life..

the last hopes~~

for the last hopes that i cry..

for the last end of suffering...

for the last of hardest time..

for the last of drowning...

for the last not living in the dark..

for the last of my sacrifice....

but really hopes that god heard my pray..

and help me for the last..

begging you please do so..my destiny into you...

i'm nobody anymore...

just nothing to the zero...

priceless of saying anything..

light please go on again...

sickness,hyper sadness and sorrow,

nobody cares and knows...

can't reveal the truth coz it hurts ..

alone and cold...

death in the silence of sorrowness...

kill  the soul...

blowing it away by air....

really alone...need u stand by me...

for the last hopes that no more tears falling down..

praying...begging...please....help....

Tears run dry..

The tears was run  dry..

only heart still beating..

and breathing..

but the soul was empty..

everything has been taken..

only me is here ..

but my mind still blur

it just like saying bye bye to me..

the mountain that try to climb..

still far far away ..

i'm falling down many times..

countless and hurts..

like a bird no wing to fly..

and the strips of kite was cutting down..

just  afraid to fall and gone...

the circle of life also change like weather..

snowy,stormy and rainy ...

the future please don't leave me ..

alone and  cold in the dark...

but give me the second chance...

how long could i stand and be apart..

even it hurt the most..

still up sad me and walk away..

never know where ..

hard to smile and pretend..

i know i can do it over again..

just too close..

although it hurt me the most..

i'm trying to do my second chance in life..

hope my destiny and my pray will listen..

and rescue by God..

coz my tears was run dry ..

and this how my heart cry..

incurable bleedi'n..

the bleeding just too deep..

incurable and do not have the medicine..

just waiting time of dying...

alone and cold hearted..

the smile has been taken away from me..

the heartbeat also was stop beating..

like in the middle of desert no way to go..

lost and hopeless..

the day that i go through just meaningless..

no more sunny day  but only the rainy day..

it is so hard to say by words..

speechless till i do not know..what will happen on next day..

all my dreaming broken into pieces of glass..

why is it so difficult for me..

i'm nothing unlike others who up to the sky ..

but me who still at the bottom who cannot fly coz of losing  the wing..

only can see them at the sky with the drying tears..

this is the bleeding in my heart that incurable and make me stop beating..

my life just full of sorrows and darkness...

Ya ALLAH AMPUNKAN HAMBAMU INI SESUNNGUHNYA AKU TIDAK MAMPU UTK MENEMPUHI DUGAAN MU KALI INI DAN TERLALU SUKAR UTK KU TERIMA KENYATAAN HIDUPKU INI...

tamparan hebat....dan terlalu sedih..

that should be me feel the success..

that should be  me had a smile..

but it turns otherwise..

all are sadness and the tears..

until i felt of despair n sorrows..

i cannot take it anymore ..

make me speechless n heartbroken..

too hurts and deep..

all has been destroyed..

my dreams n life..

all are turns darkness..

cloudy days only i can see the day of my life..

everything was gone n useless..

even all the sacrifice also worthless..

why my road of destiny too hard..

i never ask for more ..

but only the taste of being pass..

i/m only the normal person.

as to be graduating student just want it to be smooth..

and then all the plan can be done..

rightnow everything is hopeless ..

too sad for me..

i just can't take this burden anymore...

this is heavy for me to carry on..

how about my parent...what i'm gonna to tell them..

don;t want hurting them too..

for the last sem this is the most tamparan hebat for me..

all my happiness was gone and no smile of my face..

only the sadness and the tears..

pada saat saya terima berita kegagalan di saat genting penentuan hidup..

saya tak dpt terima kenyataan ini..

setelah bermatian usaha..

dan ini ujiaan yg saya tak dpt hadapi..

kerana terlalu berat bg saya utk terima..

akibat tamparan hebat saya terus demam terkejut selama beberapa hari..

YA ALLAH MAAFKAN HAMBAMU INI DAN MAMA SAYA JUGA MINTAK MAAF KERANA HAMPAKANMU......

ketika maut menghampiri diri..~~

ketika dirasakan maut menghampiri diri ini..

barulah sedar bahawa amalan tak pnah cukup

dan tak bersedia untuk mati..

selama ini jarang munasabah diri ttg kematian..

akan dtg menjemput pada bila2 masa ..

itulah ketentuan tuhan..

dosa yg menggunung tinggi bagaikan bukit..

tidak lagi dihapuskan dengan amalan ..

sekiranya terus hanyut sudah pasti tiada lagi peluang kedua

hanyalah azab yg diterima...

sebernarnya kita takut akan kematian..

dan sentiasa merasakan diri ini blum bersedia..

cerita sebernya yg saya cuba smpaikan ialah :-

pada 21 april 2011 =saya on the way balik umah di kedah disebabkan dah tamat blajar

                                 pada awalnya semuanya ok dan saya tlh pun membuat service keta

dan saya pulak drive sorang2 dari uia ke kedah sebab dah biasa n kena hantaq brg yg byk ..

tetiba masa dkt highway ipoh gear keta tetiba rosak terus loose tak function langsung...

saya dah takut sgt coz sepanjang perjalanan hujan lebat dgn banyak accident berlaku

plus jln plak berbukit...ya Allah saya hanya tawakal kepada ALLah sekiranya ajal ku di sini

saya btol2 kontrol keta just pakai brek n bawak slow2 tekan minyak..

time tu hanya tuhan saja yg tahu perasaan saya camna..begetar dan bertawakal..

agar diselamatkan perjalanan...

saya tetap teruskan perjalanan walau dlm keadaan yg terlalu bahaya ini..

saya hanya mintak saya sempat selamat sampai di penang kerana ada kg di sana..

akhirnya saya sempat smpai di penang dan mmg keta dah tak blh teruskan perjalanan

jika tidak saya sudah tiada lagi..dan maafkan saya atas segalanya..

saya terpaksa tersangkut di penang sebelum sampai umah 22 april 2011 utk pebaiki keta..

apabila dah selamat smapi saya bersyukur pada tuhan kerana memberi peluang hidup

padaMu aku berserah dan kaulah yg mengetahui segalanya..

dan aku sedar tetang kematian..

pabila ajal menghampiri diri ini..

hiking..mmg best :)

 

tanggalnya 17 april 2011...detik sejarah saya hiking n mmg best...

sekarang ni dah jd hobi baru mmg addicted...

walaupun sgt challenging utk sampai ke puncak

tapi puas n hilang stress ...

skrg ni saya dah ada kwn baru chinese ajak join group hiking

bln 5 ni nak tawan gunung tok wan yg 4.8 km

lps tu chilling falls kat kuala kubu 6 sg kena rentas

walaupun pnt tapi keseronokan mmg tak dpt digambarkan..

new hobby  for new life..

my life n my future...plz dont kill them...~~

i want to save my life, my ambition n my future

from being killed...

i dont want let it go

but make it real..

plz don't this to me..

i want to hold it tight..

could u understand me that all i need

plz i'm begging u..

this is the time for me to choose my life..

dont force me to follow u anymore..

i'm too stresss ....

plz let me have my ambition,life n future..

if i need to make a drastic desicion just ..

n the only way to save it...

coz i really want my dreams come true...

plz don't kill them...(T T)

exhausted.......but i can do it !!!!!

left 2 paper frm 8 paper..

i can do it till e end..

then sayonara my frenz n uia,..

tetiba feeling sedih lak..

byk aktiviti saya nak buat ni bfr blk umah..

saya teringin nak naik gunung ngan camping kat cna..

pastu nak jerit puas2 merdeka...

saya bersyukur saat akhir paper saya dah lega demam

alhamdulilah...saya perlukan usaha terakhir..

saya yakin saya blh cemerlang sem ni..

i.allah...

xmphobia-demam (*_*)

demam nyerang secara tetiba  1st day xm..

dari 1st year sampai la final sem grad asal jer final xm

mesti demam...nampanya mmg tak leh nak elak..

pening pala nak pikir jwpan n tak larat...tapi kena paksa diri..

biler nak study lg la suffered jer rasa..misery rasanya..

tapi ni adalah cubaan xm...kena doa byk2 tu jer yg mampu

uasaha ttp dilakukan n quran tak dlupakan itulah ubat plg mujarab..

nak buat camna lg itu jer yg mampu dilakukan

harap2 ini adalah terakhir xmphobia dan munkin ada rahmat sebaliknya..

heartbeat...^^^

sejak xm semakin hampir ni..

hati saya asyik berdetak..

adakah saya berasa cemas atau sebaliknya..

saya berasa pilu utk tinggalkan uia..

dan sebernarnya saya sygkan uia...

kerana telah beri byk pengajaran hdup..

dan jgk byk kenalan..tapi yg saya palinggg

sayang adalah kelab karate...love u sgttttt...

setiap apa yg saya perolehi di uia ni..

akan tersimpan kemas dlm hati dan frame minda saya..

tapiiiii ada byk lg benda yg membuatkan my heartbeat can't stop..

secret ......^^^^

me+ exam+ fever..unseparated..~~~

biler xm final dah dekat sgtt...

saya jd takut dan tertekan..

tambahan plak ni final sem saya,,

riso giler..

tapi saya kena usaha sehabis mungkin utk berjaya.

tapi satu jer apa yg paling takut berbanding xm final 

adalah demam time xm final..

nak buat camna takmau demam time saat genting apatah plak final sem

saya dah buat segala preparation kot..

siap  p jog tiap2 hari dgn amik madu and supplement..

tapi saya tak sempat nak amik xm karate this sem..

saya dah taktau nak buat camna tak mau demam time xm..

dari 1st year sampai la final year asal jer xm final mesti demam..

suffered giler kot dgn pala pening campur nak jwb xm lagi..

atok saya ckp saya ni xmfobia kot..

tu la saya mintak sgt saya lulus suma xm final ni..

sgt penting dlm hdup saya ..

lagipun alhadulilah saya dah dpt offer 2 tempat chabering..

tolonglah saya dah tak larat dah.hadapi ujian ni..permudahkanlah segala urusan saya..

最初の愛..`f....L...??"

たまには
あなたは私の心にある
私は私達が持っていた日について考える
そして、これらは、すべての来ることを私の夢私に戻って
あなただけの時間を刻々とで知っていれば
何も私の心の中に行く
あなたの思い出と同じように
私はここにする方法あなたと一緒に
もう一度

あなたはいつもになりそうする1つ
そして、あなたが知っている必要があります
私が望むどのようにしたことがない可能性があなたを手放す
再び私の人生に入ってきて
ああ、ノーと言うことはありません
あなたは私の人生の1つになるのよ常に守られ、
だからtrueの場合、私は私が見つけることができると信じています
あなたのような誰か
私の最初の愛

いったん、ここしばらく
あなたの夢の中では
私はの暖かさを感じることができるあなたの抱擁
そして、私は祈っては、すべて私に戻ってくること
あなただけの時間を刻々とで知っていれば
何も私の心の中に行く
あなたの思い出と同じように
そして、私はここでする方法をあなたと一緒に
もう一度

あなたはいつも私の心の中になります
そして、あなたが知っている必要があります
私が望むどのようにしたことがない可能性があなたを手放す
再び私の人生に入ってきて
ノーと言わないでください
今、永遠にあなたはまだひとつである
心の中で
だからtrueの場合、私が見つけることができませんでした信じている
あなたのような誰か
私の初恋
オハイオ州オハイオ州

あなたはいつもになりそうする1つ
そして、あなたが知っている必要があります
私が望むどのようにしたことがない可能性があなたを手放す
再び私の人生に入ってきて
ああ、ノーと言うことはありません
あなたはいつもになりそうする1つ
だからtrueの場合、私が見つけることができませんでした信じている
今、永遠に

war begin ~

time for preparing war begin

no time left,

everything must be ready ,

not only mind but determination and passion,

this war doesn't mean fight the enemy but...

war against urself  and get ready for xm,

war to ensure that have healthy body during xm,

avoiding frm attack by fever,

don't want it anymore too suffered,

war from conflicting with other person,

no love to think..

only focusing on the dream that i build,

because this is the real war,

i need to face this war,

whatever the result just take it,

there is a price that i pay for it,

at the end of war ,

the peace and dreams come in...

and hope this will last forever`~~

干燥离开.."drying leave"

i just like a dry leave..

nothing to be see..

and nothing to be used...

even try hard to pour the water..

it is useless ...

no more alive...

my only hope for the last..

that my sincere pray from heart..

will be heard this time,,

i hope the tears meaningful..

really need it badly..

please help me this last time..

out from the darkness and dryness..

let me reach my stars and  my dreams..

let the flower and the leave alive ..

once again...,,

after all the misery and hardness..

give me the smile ,,,,

which lost from my life,,,

and the drying leave may turn into green...

pray from the sincere heart ..

to fade what i;m afraid of..

being a drying leave  forever..

请让我不要再次下降-"plaese not let me fall again for the last time."（TTT_TT）

i feel deeply so sad and hurt too much..

my tears can't stop falling down ..non stop 

bleeding inside till cannot stop the blood from coming out..

i feel like just cannot to be cure anymore..

what i need to do please tell me hardly ..really dont know..

why everything which i give all my life and time and sacrifice..

but everything has been screwed up..

what is not enough  and satisfied please tell me..

i'm really begging you..

it 's like nothing with my sacrifice..

i just feel too misery that cannot to be bear anymore ..

i just feel tired to run and run..

how abot my dreams i just dont want to give up,,

i'm really cant stand it anymore..

why the shadow of darkness just can't faded away ..

is it i'm has been cursed or what?

i'm suffering for too long..

i dont want to fall again and stay in the darkness..

please  not let me fall for the last time..

begging you badly..

please this time give me successful only for once not ask for more.and for last time..

why it is too hard..

why my sacrifice doesn't worth..

what's wrong..

just tell me..

i'm really need the sunshine in my life..

no more cloudy days..but the tears of successful and happiness..

need it badly..

it make me lost my soul n my determination...

(even when i'm writing this article i'm in the condition of crying)

just too sad till speechless..

please do not let me fall again for the last time in my life..
COZ REALLY AFRAID AND SCARY TO FALL AGAIN..

请让我不要再次下降..(TT_TT)

let me have my way n decision!!!!

kali ni saya  dah  tekad dengan keputusaan saya dan rancang dgn baik plan hdup saya

saya dah tak kisah walaupun ayah saya tak suka saya jd lawyer.

saya tetap akan kejar cita2 saya..ini adalah hidup saya.

kli ini saya seniri akan tetapkan keputusan hdup dan jalan yg saya pilih..

taknak lg diatur oleh org lain..

saya akan harung walaupun ombak besar yg melanda..

saya akan teguh dan kukuh dgn diri seniri..

saya dah biasa jd survivor dah hdup seorang..

saya sanggup amik risiko demi pastikan setiap impian saya tercapai..

walaupunbegitu saya sangat lega kerana mama sokong dan memahami..

saya sgt sayang mama saya.. sahaja.

sebabtu dari skrg saya dah apply chambering utk pastikan every plan tercapai dan saya tanak buang masa..

bg saya setiap saat sgt berharga..

alhamdulilah tuhan juga mendengar rintihan hambanya ini..

skrg saya dah dpt banyak panggilan interview chambering walaupun saya tak hbs lg belajar..

saya akan lakukan yg terbaik..

saya juga tidak pnah putus berdoa bertahajjud kpd tuhan..

hanya dia yg memberikan rezeki dan juga meguatkan lagi jiwa saya..

saya hanya mintak  ayah saya memahami saya dan biarkan kali ni saya buat keputusan hdup saya..

saya faham dia mungkin nak kan yg tebaik..

cuma kali ni saya dah tak blh ikut kehendak dia..

sebab ini adalah masa depan dan hala tuju saya..

sebab saya mesti pastikan setiap plan saya mesti berjaya..

( 1.  corporate lawyer ,2.own legal firm n be the top one& branches ,3. food business n clothing n etc)

walauapapun saya tetap akan berdoa kpd ibu bapa dan berbakti kpd mereka..

saya takkan sekali lupakan mreka coz saya sorang jer anak mereka..

cuma kdg2 saya sgt tertekan dgn ayah saya tapi saya cuba koolkan diri..

cuma kali ni saya mmg perlu buat keputusan dan pilih jln hdup saya seniri..

saya dah sgt tekad skrg dan takkan ada merubahnya kecuali tuhan..

maafkan saya  cuma ini adalah harapan saya yg saya bina dari skool lg..

just let me have my own way n decision ..!!!!

buzy giler but happy xD

Biler masuk jer ygh bln 2 ni stat la kalot dgn suma midterm yg sumanya 8 paper..

pastu plak  time2 ni la kejer stat dtg bergunung-ganang ,projek paper la, hearing lagi , 

assignment  yg tak pnah putus, hari2 makin bertambah ja tapi sem ni ok,

tak stress mcm sem lepas blh handle suma kejer. tapi yg paling best,

utk final sem saya dah masuk balik kelab karate kesayangan saya yg ditinggalkan setahun lebih...

menyesal giler doo... tapi saya dapat balik jawatan saya n tambah plak presiden saya sudah balik dubai so secara tak langsung saya ambil alih jawatannya...so hari2 kejer2 saya semakin la bertambah..

kadang2 pening  pala dibuatnya suma nak diuruskan..

 tapi saya tak kisah sebab kali ini aktiviti kelab akan makin menarik..

kitorg akan bercamping n panjat gunung utk 2 jam trekking dan yg paling suka adalah air terjun..

saya memang gila bila nampak air...hahaaaa dah macam hantu air plak rasanya..

pastu kitorg join kelab polis join training setiap ahad...n kitorg akan pergi canoe kat tasik putrajaya...

mmg best giler pemandangan kat tasik putrajaya tak rugi dtg canoe walaupun pnat..

training karate adalah satunya tempat saya dpt lpskan stress  n gembira..

rasa sedih plak dah nak tinggalkan uia dan kelab karate saya ..

sebab tu walaupun kejer byk saya  tetap happy...

chowayoooooo  ( ^________ ^)

midbreak but no break...hummm

this midbreak for the last sem 

need to sacrifice the break too..

but it's okey just be patient..

it's going to end soon..

left than 2 month only...

and then merdeka..

but i must make sure i grad this sem

even all the works like a mountain..

it gonna be settle one by one..

if i feel stuck then i rest n fb ...

later on continue again until finish..

although my home calling me back..

and i really wanna going back..

so sick of it..

i'm going home soo just a little bit late..

hoho..

sad live in uia alone in this break but its fine..

passin through it...more calmness..

huhu this is my midbreak for the last sem but 

no break at all...mmmm

me,karate n sungai...huhu (^____^)

love u too much my hobby

cannot separate anymore with myself

never ever leave it again

i'm dyin when leave it before

that's my most mistake ...

even need to kiss the Aikol floor just take it

who dare to do that

haha ...

only karate ,mandi sungai early morning at weken even so cold

like crazy man it doesn't matter,

jungle trekking n camping give me new breath of oxygen

far away from hustle n rustle

all those activities just make me alive again..

huhu...

not forget i have new hobby too jogging n playing badminton ...

what such an interesting activities...

just full of the day...

really make me happy n release ...

 healthy life ...no sadnesss

this is  really me nobody can restraint it...

i'm love'n it ....!!!!

Miss Independent (n_n)

Kinda women that want you but don't need you

   cant figure it out, there's something about 

Cuz  walk like a boss, talk like a boss

She got her own thing

Miss independent

  the way you shine

there's something about kinda woman that can do it for herself

kinda women that dont even need  help

She says she got it, she got it, no doubt,

work like the boss, play like the boss

made for a boss, Soley a boss,

Anything less,  telling em to get lost

favourite thing, is to say dont worry i got it

      Miss independent

the way you shine.....

my new life~~

i want to have my own way..

no more lookin back...

just see the future..

i 'm really struggle hard this time..

no more tolerate..

but really be myself..

i just need to ensure what i dream..

becoming reality this time..

whatever other people might say..

nothing to bother ..

ignored them n move on..

i can be stronger than before..

just see it..

i have my new life..

full with colors n style..

i joining back what i left n really love to do it..

bcoz it gives me life n meaningful..

i don't need all the past n sorrowness..

i know  i can be miss independant n survivor...

for whatever challenge comin' this time..

no tears anymore..

aja aja fightin' my new life!!!!!

keep on forgetting ??

keep forgetting about u...

it all just keep on ..

spinning around in my head..

but don't matter ...

   what i try to do..

and i don't want to think..

    about you..

i keep on forgetting to..

   forget about  you...

no more running in my head..

       it's all over...

a.l.o.n.e..

   i feel so lonely..

nobody cares what i feel..

just like that..

everyone who i love just left me..

one by one..

   nothing left for me anymore..

only me who miss them so much..

tryin' hard not to erase..

but kept them in my mind like a beauty frame..

 in my heart just empty ..

     cold and freeze..

both of u who brought me up..

      also never takes care of me..

but don't worries i never blame u..

but just feel so lonely..

  n left be broken...

even  i keep down in my heart..

i promise it will never hurt u..

because i love u 4ever..

    in my sorrows n silence heart..

though i passin' through it ...

     since childhood until now..

ever never hurt u...

   just feel so lonely...

nobody left with me...

so i just need to move on my life..

   n try to tell my self..

that i should walk away ...

  in my alone path..

with the frozen heart ..

         and being a.l.o.n.e...